Editing for Concision and Clarity

 
Here’s an example of an exercise in editing. The Howe Writing Initiative revised the following “reaction paper,” written in an introductory core SBA course, to make it tighter and more readable. As you read the two versions, notice that we did NOT change the original meaning; but, with simple editing, we were able to convey the same meaning in just about half the words. In other words, the edited version more closely resembles the tight, concise writing that businesses value. (See “Writing for a Business Audience” and “Editing for Clarity and Style” handouts on the HWI website)

Why edit?

Since brevity is a core value in business writing, learning to edit your prose is a valuable skill. Besides, once you’ve learned to edit, you might realize that you haven’t delivered as much information or insight as you thought!

What is editing?

It’s the last step in composing. Editing does not intend to revise the original meaning substantially, but to make the prose as clear and effective as possible. It’s easy once you get the hang of it, but it takes practice. Please note the following strategies we used in editing this reaction paper: 

Changing “to be verbs” (is, are, was, were, am, being, been) to strong, active verbs. 

• Original: Competitive advantage is maximizing profits through more improved efficiency or by offering customers a unique product or service that has value to customers. It is Porter's opinion that it is imperative for companies to maintain competitive advantage to offset any drop in profitability. Porter feels that competitive advantage is not easily achieved through the use of the Internet. It is difficult to maintain a high level of operational effectiveness with the fast development of the Internet and the vast amounts of technology available.

• Edited: Competitive advantage means maximizing profits by improving efficiency or by offering customers a unique product or service that they value. Porter believes that companies must maintain competitive advantage to offset any drop in profitability.  However, the Internet may not translate into competitive advantage.

Eliminating repetition and cutting unnecessary words

• Original: Tapscott introduces the Internet as a way for many companies to communicate in ways that were not possible before the Internet was introduced into the corporate world.  The tone that Tapscott writes with indicates that he feels that the Internet is a positive addition to the business world. This is in contrast to the Porter article, which states that the Internet is actually hindering the development of companies. Tapscott's article is almost a critique on how wrong Porter is in his article, which I don't particularly care for.  I would have rather Tapscott present his argument and not necessarily present the negatives in Porter's argument. Tapscott emphasizes the importance of the Internet, in contrast to Porter's almost neglect as to the power of the Internet. In fact, Tapscott foresees the Internet playing an even bigger part in the business world if it indeed does evolve into what he thinks it might. As more and more businesses are run through the Internet, it presents the possibility that the Internet is possibly the "New Economy".

• Edited: Tapscott strongly supports the Internet’s contribution to business, emphasizing the ways it increases communicative possibilities. This article directly critiques Porter’s, pointing out that Porter overlooks the Internet’s power. Rather than see it as a hindrance, Tapscott predicts that the Internet will evolve into an even bigger part of business, describing IT as the "New Economy."

Cutting strings of prepositional phrases

• Original: The Porter article was an analysis of the impact of the Internet on the business world and how the technological advance of the Internet has both positively and negatively influenced the business world.

• Edited: Porter analyzes the Internet’s positive and negative influence on business, most strongly emphasizing its negative impact on some companies.
  

Howe Writing Initiative ‧ Farmer School of Business ‧ Miami University

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